Make Mardi Gras Every Day

“Y’all gotta pay attention, and I need some of that shit.”

Let’s be real: New Orleans is a city of distractions. Between second lines, crawfish boils, and impromptu parades blocking traffic, focus is in short supply. Starkman’s plan? Universal Adderall distribution. From city council meetings to Bourbon Street bartenders, we’re gonna get stuff done… FAST.

“Y’all are nasty, and we all know it.”

Look, we love each other in this city, but we’ve got to clean it up. Starkman’s administration will launch an aggressive, no-nonsense HPV awareness and prevention campaign—because love should be free, but consequences shouldn’t.

"Him that let Jah Bless, let no man curse!"  New Orleans is a city of rich Caribbean cultural heritage. It is our duty to preserve the traditions of our incredible culinary lineage. 

By opening for public admission ($$$) and renovationg the Sewage and Water Board Sex Dungeon with new swings, poles and hitachi vibrators, we will ensure a long lasting profit driven model for the S&WB that will fund all upcoming repairs to our cities pump infrastructure. "THEY PUMP SO WE CAN PUMP!" Also included in the renovation will be a "Razoo's Karaoke Corner" and Instagram Wall.

Legalize Weed for all and legalize the sale of weed in all gas stations across the parish. This will also sales of Cheetos, Ice Cream and Big Shot sodas across the city.

WE'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS DAYLIGHTS SAVINGS BULLSHIT!!

"DRAIN THE SWAMP, DRAIN THE SWAMP!" Is the battle cry of the masses. We are tired of dealing with all these swamps all over the heckin' place! By draining the swamps in New Orleans East  we will create jobs GALORE. After the land is made suitable for development, my company Stark Corp (TM) will swiftly move in to create the first of many "Starkies: An Oil and Gas Wonderland, 150 pump Gas Station, Theme Park  and Beef Jerky Stand" ajoined by living facilities for all employees, they will never have to leave their job! Say it with me, JOBS, JOBS, JOBS, JOBS!

I mean, have you been to Baton Rogue for anything other than a football tailgate?

We are a city that celebrates and preserves its cultural heritage- infrastructure included. We will hold a contest to select the most legendary and coveted potholes in town. The winning potholes then will be submitted to the National Historic Landmark for eternal preservation. Thank You, USA!

SO MANY JOBS! THE WORLD'S LARGEST PARKING LOT! IMAGINE THE INCOME DRIVEN BY PAID LOTS ACROSS THE NEW PONCHARTRAIN PARKING LOT!